Weird
by Fat Puppy
Summary: Dialogue only piece, takes place at some point in Season 11. Sam and Dean end up in a hotel with odd wall décor.
**Title:** _Weird_

 **Summary:** _Dialogue only piece, takes place at some point in Season 11. The boys end up in a hotel with odd wall décor._

 **(Don't ask where this idea came from, it just popped into my head one day on my commute into work and became a goofy story.)**

* * *

"Dean. Wake up. Dean!"

"Not asleep. I can't sleep. It's just…staring at me. Mocking me. Did the eyes move? I think the eyes moved."

"The eyes didn't move."

"Who would do this? I mean, it's weird. Even for us, it's weird. And…damn it! I know the eyes moved that time. Is it haunted? Can ghosts possess things like that?"

"Your idea, remember? You said you couldn't drive another mile, we needed to stop and you wouldn't let me drive. This was the first motel we found. We'll crash here, you said. This looks perfect, you said. If you just woulda let me drive…"

"Hell no, dude! Not after you got Baby nicked last week. You're on probation. No driving time until…what the hell? You saw that, right? Tell me you saw that. Sam?"

"Maybe you shouldn't have eaten that double burger for dinner."

"What? No. That…no. Wait. You think? No."

"Just turn over and sleep on your stomach, then it can't watch you. Or you can't see that you think it's watching you."

"Yeah. Okay. Wait. Then I can't see it when it comes after me."

"How is it coming after you, Dean? It has no legs. No way of movement."

"Ghosts don't need legs, Sam. Neither do possessed cows."

"It is an odd choice for a motel décor. Stuffed cow heads. I mean, the one mocking you looks like old Bessie from those old milk cartons."

"Odd, it's freakin' weird as hell. Dude is off his rocker. Deer, birds, bears…those are normal things that people kill, stuff and hang on walls. But..cows? Seriously, who puts big-eyed, innocent momma cows on their motel walls? Is that a baby one over there? Oh, come on!"

"They put a cowboy hat on it. Makes it kinda cute."

"Yes, that makes it right. Shut up, Sam."

"You probably ate its father for dinner."

"I did not eat…ah hell…you think baby cow is possessing momma cow to revenge papa cow?"

"Dean."

"No, no. You might be right, Sam. Let's think about this for a minute."

"How about you take this bed and I'll take yours? I don't have a momma cow on the wall in front of mine."

"Okay, yeah. Yeah, good thinkin', Sammy. Confuse it. You eat leafy, grass crap all the time, you and the cows have something in common. You can rationalize with it. Okay, switch."

"Not helpful, Sam."

"Why not?"

"Did you not notice the eyes? I told you they were moving!"

"Dean, you moved, not the cow."

"Sam, don't tell me what moved and what didn't move. I can see. And I can see that thing seeing me seeing it. It's gonna try and take me out."

"How? Didn't we just discuss this? Even if it is a ghost, it's still the head of a cow. Unless it can fling itself off the wall and then violently toss itself around the room, I don't think we're in any danger here."

"Okay, how about you take the cowboy hat off the baby and put it over momma's eyes? Blind her so that she can't fly off the wall to kill me. Go ahead."

"Dean."

"Sam!"

"You're an idiot…there. Eyes covered."

"Uh huh. Good. That takes care of that. Now maybe we can get some sleep."

"Um, Dean? The baby cow without the hat…does it look different?"

"Bald, but other than that…oh hell no."

"Yeah, um. Maybe we should leave now."

"Ya think?"

"Yeah, I don't think stuffed baby cow heads should be able to do that."

"I don't think any stuffed anything should be able to do that. It's dead. Stuffed. It's a head. Where did the freakin' legs come from?"

"It's not a ghost, Dean."

"It's…not…come on, move, Sam. Grab the bags."

"Get my shoes and our phones."

"It's moving…what the…keys, where are m'damn keys?"

"Just go, Dean. Move. And don't look at momma cow, whatever you do."

"Is she…"

"Don't look. Just run. Run now. Go!"

"Keys…keys…keys…damn it! Sam!"

"Got 'em. I'll drive."

"You're not drivin' my car…"

"Dean, look behind you."

"Nope, not gonna do it."

"Get in the car. Now, Dean. Now!"

"You scrape up Baby and I'll kick your ass, Sam."

"If we don't move now, baby cow may do that for you and then some."

"Wow! Baby cow is angry and…how'd he get his hat back? How'd he open the door? How…drive, Sam. Just drive. Go, go, go, go, go!"

"No more hotels, dude. Ever. And don't drive past any cow pastures on the way home. Understand?"

"Dean, we're in the Midwest. Cows are kinda hard to avoid."

"Well, then don't stop or offer them cowboy hats. And no burgers for a month. Or steak. Or anything resembling livestock."

"Yeah, that'll happen."

"Let's just get outta Dodge and never talk about this again. Ever."

"Done. Kansas here we come!"

* * *

The End


End file.
